vulnerable

It was one humid day. I am not sure what the weather was. I woke up and all I know was, it was not gonna be a good day at all. It would have been the worst.

I was struggling of extending my arm to pick up the phone. I checked my inbox and it was like as silent as a barren graveyard. I closed my eyes and I felt the warmness on my face. I took a deep breath. When would this stop? One question that I am struggling of finding the answer.

I was trying to cheer myself and cope of denying my grief. My phone beeped. My heart started to pound fast. It was pounding so hard that I can hear it.I got the courage of reading the SMS. I sighed. I knew it wouldn't be form someone I was expecting. I got hurt of the fact that it was not him. I had to read the text message. My mouth crooked a little smile. At least someone would want to hear what was going on. I called and we talked. Just like the good ol times. When i heard her asking, "How are you feeling?". Tears started rolling down my cheeks.I felt it was a lot coz it made my face damped."I am not okay". The only words that came out of my mouth. She let me talk. I was a cry baby. I am a cry baby. But I cry if it's worth crying for. She decided to take me somewhere else. She wanted to talk to me not just over the phone.

We met at one of our favorite coffee shops. She hoped it would make me feel better. But I was still not. She tried to cheer me up. It was a dejavu to both of us. This happened 3 years ago. The difference is the place. She would laugh about it and I was helping myself to join her. It didnt do any good. She sighed. I told her it's gonna be hard. it's different this time. "What's happening to you?".I only gave her a stare and tears started to flow out again.

She told me I changed a lot. She has never heard of me that much when I got committed to someone. She understood because she knew that I am happy to where I am at. One thing she's wondering, I am not able to fight back the grief. This was not me at all. I have changed. That's what she thought.

I told her, coffee wont work, even friends wont work. There's only one remedy to this mallady. While I was talking to her, while I was venting my depression, she cried right infront of me. She was hoping I am gonna be fine and that I could stand everything. She is my best friend. I apologized because I chose him. I thanked her for being with me and understanding how I feel right now.

Each day is getting tougher. Each day I am getting weaker.

It's so hard pretending. It has always been hard.

When would he ever believe me? When would he ever trust me?

I was told to give up. But I do not want to.
I cannot.
I would never do.
Never even have that in mind.

My Delight!!

Cant just get enough of munching sweets :)

I feel like drunk for eating too much chocolate.
These are from my baller. Third day and here we are again sharing the love we have.
I feel ecstatic I could not even sleep! I am just extremely happy.

Hearing his voice over the phone. the way he talks so sweet. feels like romeo talking to juliet.

I'm again falling in love.

Everyday is just getting deeper and deeper. I would never ever want to hold it back.

I love the way he loves me.

Losing him would be a misery.


And being with him forever is my greatest dream.

the crap about getting rich. it doesn't mean a thing. it does not even make me happy.

all i care is US. all i care about is HIM.
and no One can stop me.

second hell of a day

it's the second day of not being able to get a word from him.

and the pain is getting worst.

how long can I handle this?

No tears would stop falling. No moment of being in grief.

Even when asleep, dreams are becoming nightmare.

I just feel like letting my self crash into piesces.

Lonely And Struggling

I went in the cab and laid myself trying to feel comfortable at the back seat. Didnt notice the cab moving. All that i have in mind is what would i do next once i get home.

Here I am again right in front of my bulky, legacy monitor. Now I am not holding back the tears. I am trying to figure out of how i can stop them. No reply from any of my text msgs. no answer to all of my phone calls. Every action cuts deep in my chest. It's creating a deep hole in my heart. I am struggling of breathing. Walking in a burning fire is where I am at. The pain is eating me up.

When would this seize?

What has been taken away is my everything. Now, I have nothing.

Is this life still worth living?

Believe

I still believe in the vows that we've made.

i still believe in US synonymous to FOREVER..

Waiting

And I won't get tired of waiting.

NEVER

m26m

I'll always love you.
I'll never give you up.
God knows how much I love you.
God knows how much I needed you.

- m26m -